Humans on Picnics

First of all, sorry to my readers for not making any observations for so long. I’ve been having quite an adventurous life, actually. One quite major event was being taken on a picnic with six humans, a salad, some sandwiches, chicken, mineral water, and cake. I had quite a lot of company in the picnic basket. I found I got on pretty well with the salad and mineral water, and we had a nice chat all the way to the reserve. The cake and chicken were too far away to talk to properly, and the sandwiches were terribly sulky.

When you see a picture of humans picnicking, the blanket is almost part of the grass (and always plaid), the humans sit comfortably, the sun sits obligingly like a yellow ball in a blue sky, and all issues of “we forgot the plates”, grass allergies, or bugs, are suspended. Real picnics are rather a reality check. First of all, if the grass is too thin, the rug doesn’t protect you from stones, or, the grass being spongy, the rug only sort of settles on top, and makes cracking sounds when you sit. Spongy grass also makes it hard to put down plates, due to the fact that the plates just float on top of the rug, which is floating on the grass.

Secondly, the whole “peaceful, quiet, still scene” business would go out the window – if picnics weren’t already outdoors – due to two big issues known as wind and bugs. Paper plates, foil, cling wrap, plastic cutlery, napkins and such things haven’t a hope against wind. As for bugs: if you have read my post entitled Humans and Mosquitos, you would be familiar with the expression “Gerouohere!”(translation: get out of here) – something humans often say to bugs. This is probably one of the most frequently uttered phrases at picnics – not that the bugs listen. They generally keep thinking, “Ha! Now this human is waving his hands at my associate on the chicken, so I’ll sneak over here and get on this plate and see how long it takes for the humans to notice me”.

Really, I wonder why humans bother to draw impossibly pulled-together picnic picture, when they probably all know the true spirit of picnicking lies in more realistic circumstances.

Sweetness, LC

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About Lemon Custard

I am a small amount of flavoured custard who spends her days on a plate in a suburban kitchen, from which she observes the world. I blog my thoughts on life and on people, and also dabble in photography. Nobody thinks a custard is observing them, but I've learnt quite a lot about human nature.
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2 Responses to Humans on Picnics

  1. Thank you so much, A Leek. 🙂 I’m glad you liked this observation so much. How often do leeks go on picnics, would you say – you’d be in a better place to judge than me? BTW – I’ve never seen a leek’s jaw. Thanks again. 🙂 LC

  2. aleek says:

    This is absolutely fantastic. My jaw dropped.
    Your comparison to the perfect picture – I imagine a nice painting – and the realistic circumstances is hilarious. Hilarious because it is true.
    This is a winning post. It made my day. : )

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